i have been working allot and i feel like i have nothing to show for it except a lack of social life. i went to a party last night. it was a going away thing for a girl i work with but i barely know. i have been working at VUS for three months now and i hardly know anyones name. i haven't felt so awkward in a social setting since high school. i found myself listening to peoples conversations and stories and it made me realize i haven't actually talked to anyone in saigon in weeks. when my friend pat was here was the first face to face conversation i have had with anyone in months. i talk to my students, and a little bit to the ta's in my classes but that's just exchanging social pleasantries or comparing cultural differences. being at a party and surrounded by people who are all friends i realized i know nothing about any of these people and they know nothing about me. i haven't told anyone about the things that happened to me last night, or last week. no one knows about the drunken xe om drivers, the flat tires in district four, the late night rides across the suspension bridge and getting lost in the rural areas and rice paddies surrounding saigon. for the first time since i've been here i felt lonely. what was i doing here in this room full of strangers, in this foreign country where i cant speak the language or understand the culture. this feeling of loneliness turned into panic as i looked around the room wondering if i could even remember how to have a conversation. have i become such a hermit that i have finally forgotten how to interact with others. i took the last sip of my drink and went into the kitchen to make another one. i saw a guy from seattle that i have met before and i shook his hand and opened my mouth and before i knew it words were coming out.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
i have been working allot and i feel like i have nothing to show for it except a lack of social life. i went to a party last night. it was a going away thing for a girl i work with but i barely know. i have been working at VUS for three months now and i hardly know anyones name. i haven't felt so awkward in a social setting since high school. i found myself listening to peoples conversations and stories and it made me realize i haven't actually talked to anyone in saigon in weeks. when my friend pat was here was the first face to face conversation i have had with anyone in months. i talk to my students, and a little bit to the ta's in my classes but that's just exchanging social pleasantries or comparing cultural differences. being at a party and surrounded by people who are all friends i realized i know nothing about any of these people and they know nothing about me. i haven't told anyone about the things that happened to me last night, or last week. no one knows about the drunken xe om drivers, the flat tires in district four, the late night rides across the suspension bridge and getting lost in the rural areas and rice paddies surrounding saigon. for the first time since i've been here i felt lonely. what was i doing here in this room full of strangers, in this foreign country where i cant speak the language or understand the culture. this feeling of loneliness turned into panic as i looked around the room wondering if i could even remember how to have a conversation. have i become such a hermit that i have finally forgotten how to interact with others. i took the last sip of my drink and went into the kitchen to make another one. i saw a guy from seattle that i have met before and i shook his hand and opened my mouth and before i knew it words were coming out.
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